Warning: This post contains graphic content relating to depression, suicide, and death. This post may be triggering to some readers. Reader discretion is advised.
I don’t know if you read the news. Teen suicide has been in the news quite often these days. Cyber bullying is rampant, depression and hormones are wreaking havoc in your young bodies, you don’t know which way is up most days. I remember being your age. It’s not always fun. In fact, it’s rarely fun. It totally is NOT the best years of your life. Ignore that bullshit.
Anyway, I wanted to say that I saw you online the other day. You were posting that nobody liked you and you were going to go swallow a bottle of pills. You had your “brother” type your suicide note on the website along with a play-by-play of your death. Remember what happened next?
When an equal number of members mourned your passing and chided you for your games you suddenly exclaimed that your brother was playing a joke on the site. I’ve been around the block a few times in my day and I highly doubt your story. You WERE feeling lonely…but it wasn’t your brother playing a joke.
I’m older and I’ve seen some things in my day. You don’t want to play suicide games with me. That is not a threat, but the honest truth. These stories you’ve invented about your demise? I’ve lived them and they are not a joke.
Can I ask you a question or two?
Do you think that dad who found his daughter hanging in the basement thought that was fun? Do you think he laughed as he cut her down? Did he enjoy cradling her lifeless body in his arms? Did he think it amusing to realize she was hurting after it was too late?
What about the teenage daughter who witnessed her mother’s suicide by gunshot wound? Do you think she enjoyed being covered in her mother’s blood and brain matter? Did she think that was a good joke? Do you think she thought it was humorous to find out the depths of her mother’s depression while watching her mother die?
And the sister who answered her phone one day only to hear the county coroner ask her relationship to the deceased? Do you think she liked having to identify her brother in the morgue when he had never mentioned he was feeling down? Was that fun for her?
I get it. Being a teenager is difficult. The term “teenage angst” exists for a reason. You aren’t the only hurting even though it feels like it right now. I know I come off as cruel and uncaring but you are wrong. I’ve been in your shoes and I know loneliness that follows you. I want to help you but your games make it difficult because I don’t know if you are serious or just need to feel loved.
If you need help, I only ask two things.
First, next time when you feel sad or lonely don’t pretend you are going to kill yourself. Instead say, “Hey, I’m hurting right now.” Say whatever you feel you need to say to get my attention, your parent’s attention, your friend’s or teacher’s attention. Don’t cry wolf though because that makes it more difficult to believe those who are contemplating suicide.
Second, if you ever think suicide is the answer think about those three examples I mentioned above. They are all TRUE and I know all of the victims. The victims are not the deceased but those left behind. The dead don’t feel pain anymore. Those left behind will hurt until their dying day. There is help. All you have to do is ask.
Been there, done that, wish he had told us.