Many of my long time followers were probably shocked to see my return yesterday. I have been known to disappear at random and give no reason at all. Yet I can always be counted on to return in times of strife, usually my own.
Such is the case once again.
On April 11th, 2013 at 7:31pm my grandmother passed away. She was 95 years old.
Now that her presence is gone, I sometimes wonder what I am supposed to do without her. She was my driving force for so many years that I feel like I have lost my purpose. The last time I spoke with her I told her, “I will be ok.” I’d like to believe that is the truth. I’d like to believe it, but in all honesty, I just don’t know.
She told me during that last conversation that I am the one she doesn’t have to worry about. How can she know I can do this? How does she know I am ready? When her last breath left her and she vanished from this world, are my memories of her enough? What am I supposed to do without her?
During my short 25 years on this Earth she imparted her 95 years’ worth of hard-earned knowledge. It is my turn now to take what I have learned from her and carry on alone. I will take her memories, stories, lessons and go out into the world and know that because of her I will know what to do and I will be ok after all.
In the wake of her passing I am revisiting some of the things she was so proud to see me accomplish. I have been singing more lately, thinking more about my photography in a new light, and most of all I have been writing.
I hope to post on here more but as usual I will probably vanish without notice. Things have changed on my end once more. I am now pursuing an English major and a Medieval Studies minor. I am working toward graduate school. I want to share my writing but unfortunately I have very little time for it. I will share as my life allows and with any luck doing so will help fill a small part of me that left this world with Grandmommy.