It’s been 7 months and 2 days since you died. I really miss you a lot. It’s really not fair that you had to go so soon and even though I knew it was inevitable, it still hit me like a ton of bricks that day. Your funeral was even worse. You being gone didn’t seem real until they did the gun salute. Each shot seemed to pierce my heart and bring me crashing down to the cemetery.
I know it’s selfish to want you back, I can’t help it. There was so much I still wanted to know, so much I wanted to learn, and so much I wanted to share with you. Now that you are gone, I’ve discovered all these questions that I never thought to ask and that I really did want to know. I guess I always thought I’d have more time.
Deep down, I know it’s nobody’s fault that you died; but I still have so much anger and guilt. I’m angry at myself for not making more of an effort to see you. You weren’t in the area often or for long and I should have tried harder to see you. I feel guilty that I didn’t go see you on your birthday the last time you were here. I wouldn’t have been too much to ask of myself, but I didn’t go. I’m angry at my mom, my boyfriend, and you. Most of all, I feel guilty and angry at me.
Even though it has been 7 months and 2 days since you died, I still feel stuck in this anger and guilt and sadness. I know you wouldn’t want that for me. I know you would want me to be happy and move on when so much is going right for me now. But it’s so fucking hard to move on, Bob. I see your truck in my parents’ driveway and for just a second I think you’ll be inside. Then I reality hits me again. I really miss you. We all do.
It’s silly, but sometimes I’ll be thinking about you or wondering what I should do about something. Then I turn on the radio and a Queen song will play. I like to believe it’s you trying to point me in the right direction. I know you’re gone, but I’m still striving to make you proud. I’ve almost completed my vet tech degree and I’m going to be moving soon to go to vet school. I hope to join the Army one day (I know you’re rolling over in your grave at the thought).
I still need you, Uncle Bobby. I need your guidance, your love, and your advice. I need your jokes and your laughter. We all love and miss you. We always will. I wish heaven wasn’t so far away.