The “Deep” Political Wisdom of Herman Cain

Where have you seen this creepy-ass smirk before?

Herman Cain is the best thing to happen to politics since Sarah Palin.  Seriously, I’m excited to read the news now because the shit that comes out of this man’s mouth is…FANTASTIC!  I really don’t know what he’s on, but his version of reality is unbelievable!  I’ll have what he’s having.

On a more serious note (but not all that serious) he should really just keep talking.  The more he talks, the dumber he looks…it’s a little like Sarah Palin’s issue.  Which is great because that’s one less republican we need to worry about taking over the country.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, some quotes brought to you by Herman Cain.

Herman Cain on the Deep Political Meaning of Pizza

GQ: What can you tell about a man by the type of pizza that he likes?

Herman Cain: [repeats the question aloud, then pauses for a long moment] The more toppings a man has on his pizza, I believe the more manly he is.

GQ: Why is that?

Herman Cain:Because the more manly man is not afraid of abundance. [laughs]

GQ: Is that purely a meat question?

Herman Cain: A manly man don’t want it piled high with vegetables! He would call that a sissy pizza.

Herman Cain on Being Moses

“That’s when I prayed and prayed and prayed. I’m a man of faith — I had to do a lot of praying for this one, more praying than I’ve ever done before in my life,” Cain said. “And when I finally realized that it was God saying that this is what I needed to do, I was like Moses. ‘You’ve got the wrong man, Lord. Are you sure?’

Herman Cain on the Space Race*

“I can tell you that as president of the United States, we are not going to bum a ride to outer space with Russia.  We’re going to regain our rightful place in terms of technology, space technology.”

Herman Cain on the Politics of Ice Cream and Candidates**

Devin Gordon: Let me ask you about your rivals. Recently, in response to a question about you being the new “flavor of the month,” you said you weren’t a flavor of the month, you were Häagen-Dazs black walnut, which “tastes good all the time.” If Mitt Romney was an ice cream flavor, what flavor would he be?

Herman Cain: Oh, just plain vanilla. [laughs] Are you guys really going to print this? I have learned that with my new status in the polls, any- and every thing that I say will show up somewhere. Do you guys really want to do this ice cream analogy?

Devin Gordon: We do. Rick Perry?

Herman Cain: Rick Perry: rocky road.

Devin Gordon: Michele Bachmann?

Herman Cain: Michele Bachmann … I’m not going to say it. I’m not going to say it.

Devin Gordon: Oh, come on!

Herman Cain: Tutti-frutti. I know I’m going to get in trouble!

Chris Heath: Ron Paul…

Herman Cain: I just don’t have a good description for Ron Paul, because he’s just not an ice cream flavor.

Herman Cain on Herman Cain

“Herman is going to be Herman. That’s all I’m going to do. I never mean to offend anybody. It’s my natural personality. If I ever get to the point that I have to not be me in order to run, then I’m not running.

“I know how to act the presidential image, if that’s what they want — and bore them to death like a lot of other people that speak political speak. No, people have connected with me because it’s plain talk.”

Herman Cain on the Meaning of Life***

I know I've heard this quote somewhere before...

“Life can be a challenge.  Life can seem impossible.  But it’s never easy when there’s so much on the line.”

Footnotes

Oh, yeah! Now I remember that creepy-ass smirk!

*During his speech, Cain also criticized President Barack Obama for canceling the space shuttle program — a decision actually made by President George W. Bush.

**Sarah Palin called Cain the “flavor of the week.  Cain announced that he was black walnut flavored because it lasts more than a week (apparently unaware the flavor was a limited edition).

***Actually a line from the Pokemon theme song.

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2 comments

  1. Cam Herman lead our country or do we withdraw our support from a man that has new ideaa? No oil from Canada until after the election? This country may elect a man that is n.ot a polition instead of the same old trends

    1. I’m all about voting for new ideas…as long as they are good ideas. Herman Cain is not a man with new or novel ideas. He’s a man who thinks very little of women, a hell of a lot about himself, and could not care less about America. I’m trying to think of which glaringly obvious reason why I won’t vote for him.

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