Hypochondirosis and Other Made-Up Health Problems

I’ve discovered that the WedMD symptom checker is a really bad idea for hypochondriacs.  Every time I enter any combination of symptoms, I always end up with cancer.  Imagine this thought pattern:

“Hmm…I’m vomiting, have diarrhea, a fever, and chills.  I think it’s the flu but let me put my symptoms into the WebMD symptom checker…HOLY CRAP IT’S CANCER!”

Yeah, I’m sure that’s the diagnosis…maybe you should call a doctor.

My dad has the reverse problem…always assume you are going to die until proven otherwise.  Then you don’t feel so bad when you live.

Seriously, though, I’ve been having some health issues.  I feel bad, but what’s new?  I’m used to it.  I know that sounds weird but it’s true.  I’ve been having these weird symptoms for over three years now, so yeah, I’m used to it.

I will not bore or disgust you with my symptoms but I’ve run a gamut of health screenings and had way more than my fair share of tests.  Ultrasounds, Endoscopy, Blood Tests (that led to fainting), Urine Cultures, Physical Exams…you name it, I probably have had it.  All came back normal.

My vet tech professor asked if I’ve been tested for Helicobacter pylori.  I have not.  I looked it up and I have quite a few of the symptoms.  I will get tested once I find another new doctor.  I am not getting my hopes up yet.

I know I will find out what the problem is one day.  Until then, I’m ok with feeling bad on a regular basis…I’m used to it.


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